Saturday, November 13, 2010

Resolute beginnings....softly

Today I begin what I am calling The Transformation 31 Project.

I’ve started it before in versions such as 21, 29, 30 and in all honestly there is no reason why this version should prove to have more successful results. None at all. Yet, I am hopeful. I need to change fundamental aspects of my life. This morning, grey and wet and unpromising as it may be, I feel I have the strength. I feel powerful.

Last night at my birthday, beautiful people who loved me showed up, with varying degrees of reticence, tiredness and because simply, they love me. I found myself wondering, off and on through the night, how I should have come to deserve this love. I have no answer. Instead, I will accept it. That is the first thing I’m willing to concede. They love me. I am loved. Even when I myself do not understand why that love it is there. I need to take it graciously, and use it as a source of strength. I have internalized it, but I also need to stop questioning it.

Updates coming. Writing promised. Cross your fingers for me.