A conversation...

...with a man who didn't immediately like my dogs. (GASP!)






Me: Ruby, move!
Him: Oh, she's okay. I'll just scoot over.
Me: Ruby, move it!
Him: I told her she could get on the couch.
Me: You told her?
Him: Yes, I told her she could get on a couch if she was a good girl.
Me: And not a bad girl?
Him: No, she had to be good, and not annoying.
Me: She's always annoying.
Him: She said she'd be good.
Me: Hmmmm, okay, but she's in my spot.
Him: Well, I'll just move over.
Me: So, I'm moving, and you're moving so she can sit beside you on the couch?
Him: You can sit on the other side. There's room.

For the record, she was a perfectly behaved girl and I'm pretty sure she likes him better than me...this might be why.

Don't look at me!

Being the center of attention is hard for me. I am not attention seeking and sometimes even talking about myself in front of a group of people makes me want to crawl behind something and hide. As a general rule, oversharers or attention seeking personalities irritate me. That's not to say I don't talk to people, there are lots of people to whom I whine, bitch, moan, and ramble. But, things that are truly important are not what I want to discuss with a large group.

This relationship I have found myself in is important to me. I am so excited about it that it scares me. When things scare me, or I get overwhelmed, I tend to retreat into myself to process or protect whatever I'm excited about.

I don't generally overshare with strangers or acquaintances. I don't like my shit out for all the world to see. (Yet here I am "discussing" it....stupid irony.) In other words, the idea of changing my relationship status on facebook from "single" to "in a relationship" is equal parts stupid and scary to me. But, I did it to make someone happy. (He doesn't know this blog exists, not yet.)His reasons for wanting me to change it seemed more sound than my hesitations. My favorite crazy friend (who immediately knew that changing such a thing was not done independenly of my own volition) reminded me that relationships are about compromise.

In response, I asked her, "What the hell do I know about such things?"

What I do know is that the interest from people around me is warm, friendly, and should be taken with more grace than I can generally muster up. I also know, that for as happy as it made him (even if I don't understand the reason) it was a minimal gesture.

Now suck it up Sara and deal!

Flat Stanley

I'm not a big fan of deadlines. I often choose to ignore them, especially when it comes to projects and cleaning. But, I generally have good intentions.

This is a picture of Flat Stanley. This particular version of the paper-doll traveling geography project phenomena comes from the niece of one of my best friends. I got her the week before Christmas. In the first week I took her to a Blazer game, the Portland Sat. Market and took her picture in front of one of Portland's many bridges.

I should have sent her on. I even have a priority envelop already addressed to Flat Stanley's next host...but, instead she got left in the Tri-Cities after Christmas. For two and a half weeks this would be world traveler was holed up in a closet in a 9 year old's room. Alas there was not even a single photo to authenticate her time in that exotic locale. I got her back (and a needed pair of tennis shoes) and took her out again. With me apparently she's on a sports kick, she was taken to a Winter Hawks game, rode public transportation and walked along the Columbia at the site of one of Lewis and Clark's stop-overs.

I really do like this project, and always get a kick out it when I see people with Flat Stanley dolls (this has actually happened to me about three times) but it is a lot of work for the people involved and a lot of trust by that teacher that these projects will in fact be successful. Okay, now to find a way to print the pictures, write in the journal and send the stupid (but brilliant) project out into the world (or at least to her next stop-over in San Fransisco).

Why my job is better than yours...

because really are there any other jobs where seeing a singing, ukulele playing, happy teenager sporting an angry mohawk is completely normal?

Resolutions 2011

I have a dear friend at work. She teaches in the room next to mine and her desk is next to mine. She's super smart, an awesome teacher and I sorta couldn't stand her when we first met. I honestly couldn't belive anyone could be that perky and real...oh no ladies and gentlemen. She's also genuine. As you can imagine, if I didn't like her so much, I'd pretty much hate her.

She asked me this morning about New Year's Resolutions and she was talking about them not in the traditional (exercise more, loose a ton of weight) sorta way (I mean I do have those) but as a list of fun things you would like to do this year.

Of course I've been pondering this all day....here's what I've come up with.
1. Learn to knit, actually do it...knit socks.
2. Go to the Braun Brother's Family Reunion (Ragweed in Idaho, be still my heart)
3. Visit the Newport Aquarium
4. Go camping
5. Blog more consistantly
6. Take a fun art-type class
7. Learn to make mole
8. Go to a professional soccer game
9. Organize a few poker parties
10. Learn to play Settlers of Catan
11. Go hiking in 5 new places

This list (like most other aspects of my existence) is a work in progress.

and then life happens (redux)

and we are forced to realize that life is messy and we are all imperfect beings, that the most important thing each of us can do is try.

Disclosures occur and sometimes what is revealed to you by the universe, your mother, your handsome friend, or former roommate causes you to reframe your own assumptions. One of the things that I know I forget is how complicated people are. Even people we know well...people whom we have believed we have "figured out" can surprise us, in both unpleasant and utterly wonderful ways. Other times information must be weighed, measured, and processed to determine it's relevancy to the whole.

I'm having a processing day; the reframing is happening slowly. But, happily as I'm processing, I'm realizing that what hit me first as a major piece of information is major not in and of itself but for what it reveals of the one who gave it voice. As is most often the case, gentleness and compassion are the most appropriate responses, no matter how difficult those may be.

and then life happens

in this case resolute beginnings were upstaged by the holidays, and strangely a new romantic interest...I met this boy, Eric, via internet dating site.


Let me explain my internet dating experience. It goes like this:

1. I am single and just fine with it (or at least I've tricked myself into believing so.)

2. I become single and bored. I consider how to remedy the situation, lesbians offer assistance. I ignore them, this is not a good solution.

3. I become so bored I attempt internet dating. Insert whitty "ads" and carefully cropped pictures here.

4. Strike up "conversation" via carefully crafted emails and use these emails as a screening test in order to pass the test the potential internet date must correctly use all forms of "their, there, and they're" AND "your and you're". No, I'm not kidding.

5. Arrange date.

6. Hate myself as I'm getting ready. A STUPID amount of thought goes into the getting ready process. I hate this part. I feel literally sick and hate that the only way I can get a date or any possible interest ever is via this forced dog and pony show. It is so not me; sadly I've done it enough times that I know how to do it. This doesn't help.

7. Go on date. Endure awkwardness. Hate myself and the universe.

8. Decide that this whole thing is not worth my time, figure out how to tell date that it's just not going to go anywhere....repeat from step one.


Sure, there have been some notable exceptions such as the gay guy and the dude who'd lived his whole life in the Portland metro area but spoke with nostalgia about visiting Seattle...really, go! Get in the car, it's RIGHT THERE.

And yet, I find myself dating. Now, full disclosure dictates that I mention that steps 1-8 still occurred...with a strange twist at the end. I decided that, while he probably wasn't worth my time, he might be worth a second date.

The story of the second date deserves it's own post and I'm running out of time anyway.

It took seven dates for me to decide I liked him; with a chorus of pep talks along the way, and now I'm quite certain I do. I have no idea what that means, and I'm convincing the crazy girl in my head that at the end of the night, I don't have to know anything besides if I want to see him again. So far, the answer has been yes.