So, I posted for almost two weeks straight. I even had a topic and every intention of posting last night (pesto sauce), but an impromptu offer of a bbq, complete with patio table fire pit, consumed my evening. It was a much more interesting plan; I didn’t get home until after one, without actually knowing how that happened.
Anyway. I have a friend who has read much more extensively in eastern types of philosophy and often has a much broader and kinder outlook on the world than I do. She and I have talked about the idea that everything we have in our lives is a result of what we are outwardly projecting to the greater universe. On consideration, this train of thought is tied directly to my insomniac post a few days ago, but I didn’t grasp the connection until I sat down to write it. I have been playing with this idea for most of the day. So, the idea, and again, I’m paraphrasing, is that if I am stepping into impossible dating/relationship scenarios then something in my action or though pattern is projecting that that is what I want.
We get in our live that which we outwardly project.
Okay, I can go with that idea. But the one that follows becomes problematic. What exactly am I projecting that is yielding such depressing results. One is forced to examine the negative thoughts, which often spin uncontrolled inside our own heads. In other places I’ve called it the crazy girl in my head. Different than my own consciousness this crazy girl’s outlook on the world is negative and really when it comes right down to it, she’s mean, and I am most often the recipient of her attacks. No, this is not a public airing some inner psychosis. There are no voices in my head, but this crazy girl is the personification of my self-doubt and all the ugly inner speech that I may have bumping around in my brain.
The question still stands. Am I, who is proud and strong, projecting these thoughts that are bringing about these impossible or just plain silly situations or has the crazy girl hijacked the mic? Have the negative thoughts, self-doubt and self-flagellation become that which the universe picks up on? And if so, the next question is how to change it. How to reassert my own voice the one that will bring about the results that I want?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
dog photo....
lame excuse for a post, and not what I had planned but spending the afternoon watching movies and drinking wine has sapped my creativity. But, it's okay, it was a social activity. If you plan on drinking all afternoon it's much better. This is a photo from a few days ago. Sam was actually invited to the laying around activities, but the command decision was made to leave him at home. His normal place was taken by a border collie puppy named Geoff. This was probably a good thing. Sam isn't particularly fond of puppies.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
It's a good thing I generally sleep well
Laying awake last night from 4:30-6:30 I was toying with the idea of karma. Because, it has been suggested, that karma is in fact, fucking with me.
Karma in abstract, because this morning while I was unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep I my working definition of karma was sort of a universal tit-for-tat. You do what is right and good and moral and your world will reflect those life affirming thoughts and actions.
The internet expanded my working definition a bit and I’m now no less uncertain but can see that the pop-culture idea of karma on which mine is based is, not surprisingly, an oversimplification. Most interestingly, I read that in the Buddhist tradition that karma itself is a force, equal to natural forces and that karma is (and I got confused here and may have screwed up some details) divorced from the individual doing the act and the act itself. If I’m understanding it right, it is more the will to do the act, either good or bad.
Most importantly it is not a sense of fatalism, quite the opposite.
Now, this ties into the other idea I was playing with this morning, instead of sleeping: control. In my case the need to constantly, affect change to bring circumstances of my current life in-line with my desired existence. How does a person maintain balance between these two mostly conflicting ideas. I guess the quick answer is that they cannot be aligned. The need to control would seem to interfere with an idea that what you do will somehow be reflected in your own life, but I wonder if the problem is with the negative connotations I have just associated with the word control.
Yes, I should control my life. It’s mine. I take ownership of it and I dictate what happens. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem therefore would be in being overly concerned with the results piece. If I am living my life (being in control) in the ways and means I believe to be correct, then I should not worry about the outcomes because they should naturally and (if one were to go along with a Buddhist thought pattern) reflect back on me in a “good” (not an especially inspired word choice) way.
To break it down: karma may be fucking with me, but I shouldn’t stress too much about it.
Karma in abstract, because this morning while I was unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep I my working definition of karma was sort of a universal tit-for-tat. You do what is right and good and moral and your world will reflect those life affirming thoughts and actions.
The internet expanded my working definition a bit and I’m now no less uncertain but can see that the pop-culture idea of karma on which mine is based is, not surprisingly, an oversimplification. Most interestingly, I read that in the Buddhist tradition that karma itself is a force, equal to natural forces and that karma is (and I got confused here and may have screwed up some details) divorced from the individual doing the act and the act itself. If I’m understanding it right, it is more the will to do the act, either good or bad.
Most importantly it is not a sense of fatalism, quite the opposite.
Now, this ties into the other idea I was playing with this morning, instead of sleeping: control. In my case the need to constantly, affect change to bring circumstances of my current life in-line with my desired existence. How does a person maintain balance between these two mostly conflicting ideas. I guess the quick answer is that they cannot be aligned. The need to control would seem to interfere with an idea that what you do will somehow be reflected in your own life, but I wonder if the problem is with the negative connotations I have just associated with the word control.
Yes, I should control my life. It’s mine. I take ownership of it and I dictate what happens. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem therefore would be in being overly concerned with the results piece. If I am living my life (being in control) in the ways and means I believe to be correct, then I should not worry about the outcomes because they should naturally and (if one were to go along with a Buddhist thought pattern) reflect back on me in a “good” (not an especially inspired word choice) way.
To break it down: karma may be fucking with me, but I shouldn’t stress too much about it.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
I've got a thing for colored glass
(A pretty picture for today!)
So, I was out waaaay too late last night. It has been a day of sloth, although I did manage to take the dog to the dog park (maximum energy expenditure by him and almost none from me), retrieve my ID (no, it was not left at the bar), buy a 10 foot ladder (that may or may not have been stolen property) for $50, and read almost all of the 12th Stephanie Plum novel. I will also water my yard as soon as I push "publish post".
Friday, July 10, 2009
12 minute post...that's all the time I have, as I am a
procrastinator.
The intention of this was to post every day and surprise, I'm on a role. A goal I'm keeping, crazy! (Diet? Exercise? No, and No, but writing I can do.)But, the idea behind the goal was to write more and think of ways to incoporate that writing into and about what I'm already doing in my life. It's working...example:
When I bought my house I fully expected that on hot summer days I would need to sleep somewhere lower than my bedroom. My bedroom has low ceilings and an A-frame ceiling, as that same ceiling also is the roof of the house. There are two skylights which thankfully open and a widow on each side of the house to draw a breeze across. So far, I've slept pretty well up there and there have been several 95+ degree days. I put a fan against one window to draw in the night air and have no trouble falling asleep.
Staying asleep past seven in the morning is a whole different issue. A chorous of birds proclaim their existance on the electric line that runs outside my window. They begin asserting their place in the world at approximately 4:30. That's the first time I wake up. It is just getting light and I am usually able to roll over and return to sleep or just close the window. In case you were wondering, hitting the widow or yelling at the warbeling creatures is not effective.
At about six the dogs start barking. There are more than one and I am only sure of the homestead of one of the creatures. One is a large retriever looking thing that lives behind me. I have no idea why he is out at six in the morning nor, why someone would allow him to bark, and bark, and bark at such a dimly lit hour.
Actually, that's a lie. In Washington, in July, six in the morning is almost light. So, when the dog starts going off, it's harder to fall back to sleep. So, I toss and turn and turn and toss and eventually wait for the next round of roosters...metaphorical, not actual.
At 7:15 there are garbage men, or the recycling guys, I'm not sure who comes first. On nice days, which is almost everyday lately, there is a motorcycle, there's the train and some days there are screaming children. Who lets kids out of the house that early? Answer: obviously people who are trying to sleep.
So, to get back to my original goal, as I listened to the barking dog this morning, an practiced finding new and creative sleeping positions (I NEED a new matress), it occured to me that today's post would be about how loud it is in my neighboorhood every morning....especially when I have nothing I'm supposed to get up for.
The intention of this was to post every day and surprise, I'm on a role. A goal I'm keeping, crazy! (Diet? Exercise? No, and No, but writing I can do.)But, the idea behind the goal was to write more and think of ways to incoporate that writing into and about what I'm already doing in my life. It's working...example:
When I bought my house I fully expected that on hot summer days I would need to sleep somewhere lower than my bedroom. My bedroom has low ceilings and an A-frame ceiling, as that same ceiling also is the roof of the house. There are two skylights which thankfully open and a widow on each side of the house to draw a breeze across. So far, I've slept pretty well up there and there have been several 95+ degree days. I put a fan against one window to draw in the night air and have no trouble falling asleep.
Staying asleep past seven in the morning is a whole different issue. A chorous of birds proclaim their existance on the electric line that runs outside my window. They begin asserting their place in the world at approximately 4:30. That's the first time I wake up. It is just getting light and I am usually able to roll over and return to sleep or just close the window. In case you were wondering, hitting the widow or yelling at the warbeling creatures is not effective.
At about six the dogs start barking. There are more than one and I am only sure of the homestead of one of the creatures. One is a large retriever looking thing that lives behind me. I have no idea why he is out at six in the morning nor, why someone would allow him to bark, and bark, and bark at such a dimly lit hour.
Actually, that's a lie. In Washington, in July, six in the morning is almost light. So, when the dog starts going off, it's harder to fall back to sleep. So, I toss and turn and turn and toss and eventually wait for the next round of roosters...metaphorical, not actual.
At 7:15 there are garbage men, or the recycling guys, I'm not sure who comes first. On nice days, which is almost everyday lately, there is a motorcycle, there's the train and some days there are screaming children. Who lets kids out of the house that early? Answer: obviously people who are trying to sleep.
So, to get back to my original goal, as I listened to the barking dog this morning, an practiced finding new and creative sleeping positions (I NEED a new matress), it occured to me that today's post would be about how loud it is in my neighboorhood every morning....especially when I have nothing I'm supposed to get up for.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Potpourii fairies?
This bag of nature goodies was on my front porch this morning when I got up.
Nice huh?
I love that there are three different types of naturally harvested goodness, pine cones, clover flowers, and pink rose petals. I also love that when I looked around at my neighbors they all had similar gifts waiting for them.Well, the ancient couple right next door didn't seem to have a bag, but I'm pretty willing to bet that they'd already taken their bag of treasures inside.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Oooo, a request, more cherry stuff and a bad photo
I'm ready to be done with the cherries. I bought too many and though the ones I seeped in syrup are both pretty and tasty (although I keep wanting to make black cherry margaritas out of them), I had one more container, pitted and picked over and couldn't decide what to do with them. Then, I got a request for more recipes, this is funny because there are approximately 3 people reading this blog, four on a big day (but, that's not the point). So, this post kills two birds at once.
It is no longer hot here. I actually had to wear a vest to the dog park today, so I figured I would attempt to "preserve" the cherries. I found this "No-Recipe Cherry Jam" which I pulled from the link at the bottom of this post. It really was that easy. I don't know why I'm still surprised when I attempt to do something and the final product looks exactly like what I was envisioning (this applies to cooking, teaching, and house-based projects). It is a little too lemony. But, it's pretty and has the correct consistency. Not a bad start, especially because I have a date to make more jam, strawberry, tomorrow.
Although, while reading the description of how this is actually made, I did wonder what a reactive stock pot would be? Treated with some sort of nonstick material? And what would it be reacting with, the boiling sugar? I have no idea. I'm sure the Internet knows. I'm also sure I don't care enough to figure it out right now.
None of these pictures turned out. It's impossible to see how bright and pretty it looks. Maybe if I spooned it over ice cream?
http://www.davidlebovitz.com/archives/2005/06/norecipe_yikes.html
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