Laying awake last night from 4:30-6:30 I was toying with the idea of karma. Because, it has been suggested, that karma is in fact, fucking with me.
Karma in abstract, because this morning while I was unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep I my working definition of karma was sort of a universal tit-for-tat. You do what is right and good and moral and your world will reflect those life affirming thoughts and actions.
The internet expanded my working definition a bit and I’m now no less uncertain but can see that the pop-culture idea of karma on which mine is based is, not surprisingly, an oversimplification. Most interestingly, I read that in the Buddhist tradition that karma itself is a force, equal to natural forces and that karma is (and I got confused here and may have screwed up some details) divorced from the individual doing the act and the act itself. If I’m understanding it right, it is more the will to do the act, either good or bad.
Most importantly it is not a sense of fatalism, quite the opposite.
Now, this ties into the other idea I was playing with this morning, instead of sleeping: control. In my case the need to constantly, affect change to bring circumstances of my current life in-line with my desired existence. How does a person maintain balance between these two mostly conflicting ideas. I guess the quick answer is that they cannot be aligned. The need to control would seem to interfere with an idea that what you do will somehow be reflected in your own life, but I wonder if the problem is with the negative connotations I have just associated with the word control.
Yes, I should control my life. It’s mine. I take ownership of it and I dictate what happens. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem therefore would be in being overly concerned with the results piece. If I am living my life (being in control) in the ways and means I believe to be correct, then I should not worry about the outcomes because they should naturally and (if one were to go along with a Buddhist thought pattern) reflect back on me in a “good” (not an especially inspired word choice) way.
To break it down: karma may be fucking with me, but I shouldn’t stress too much about it.
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Although, wouldn't it follow that, if you are being "good" in the hopes of controlling the type of karma headed in your direction, that would make your "good" actions self-serving, and thus negate the goodness in their nature.
Having said that, I do think that the goodness of your actions is mostly pure, so the aforementioned shouldn't be the issue. So, I'm going to say this on your behalf: Dear Karma, pay the fuck up.
Also, I don't see why I need facebook. This whole blog thing is wonderful.
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