Existential crisis, crisis of faith and Rolling Stone

Of late, my attitude has been awful. Really, really bad. Spiraling inward, my frustration and anger have been paralyzing. So, I decided, I’m over it. The issues that were bothering me have not gone away. They’re still here, but I’m tired of letting the anger have any power. One of my core beliefs is that happiness is a choice, the world has power and influence, but we have the ability to choose.

So, I am currently on day three of my self-prescribed attitude adjustment and as I drank coffee and read O Magazine (more on that in a second) I realized that I haven’t written anything in months.

Not just in this particular vehicle, but anything at all. Writing centers me. It is also crucial to my own definition of self (if you surf you are a surfer right, the same is true of writing). As I think about it, I realize that I can judge my own level of contentment by how prolific my own writing is (quality is not part of this particular gauge), it is not surprising that I posted as often as I did over the summer. Not only did I have more time, but I actually felt like writing. I actually felt like creating and felt like examining the world.

An interesting experiment would be to see if by making myself write, I could maintain a more positive attitude. Writing could be the tool…(on a metacognitive note, this is interesting to me because this is not the post I sat down to write, didn’t consider this until I put myself in front of the computer.) So, over the summer I wanted to post every day. I did much better when I was alone, my parents came and it got harder, mostly because I allowed myself to be annoyed by them. As I just said, when I’m annoyed, I don’t write. But, I’ve also been thinking about the idea of will power, in terms of weight loss, but what about will power in terms of self-improvement. I’ve also been thinking about resolutions and goals for this upcoming year. (I always write some down just to be able to see them and help me keep things in perspective). I have not done this yet.

So, here’s what I’ve come up with, (honestly, sitting here in the last 20 minutes) this year, I will focus on writing, as a tool. Some of it I will post here although I know not all of it will be fit for public consumption. But, let’s put some numbers on this. I would like to see if I can write everyday. I’d like to see if I can post almost as often. It is January 23. There are 342 days left this year. But, I know I will not/cannot post on everyone of them. So, I will give myself 23 skip days, meaning I am going to attempt to post 319 times between now and the end of the year. Notice, I’m counting number of posts, not days. Let’s be realistic, it’s one of the hallmarks of good goal setting.

I know this is not an original goal, but at this moment it feels good.

So, here goes:
Post: 1 of 319
Days skipped: 0

Oh, and I’m going to have to save my Rolling Stone rant. But, it seems I’ll have plenty of time to get it done.